Prejudiced SOBs!

A public school in Jackson, Mississippi has cancelled prom. Why did Itawamba County School district cancel senior prom? They said it was because, "due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events." That is code for we would rather cancel prom than let a lesbian couple attend.

They will of course never admit this but after they sent out a memo which said only people dating the opposite sex would be allowed to attend the prom, the ACLU got involved. The school district than took the cowardly way out and cancelled prom for everyone putting the young girl (Constance McMillen) in the ludicrous position of having to defend herself against her classmates and her town. A town I might add whose Mayor Paul Walker said the community was in support of the decision.

I can't begin to tell you the bad and terrible things that flashed through my head when I read this. It is a public school, damn it. They don't get to make decisions to exclude anyone based on gender, color, or sexual preference. They actually told the young ladies in question they couldn't show up together and would be removed if they made anyone uncomfortable.

I wish I could get on a plane right now. Fly to that stupid ass town and start making their mayor uncomfortable. I would hang out at his office with posters and a loud speaker announcing to the world every minute of everyday what a prejudiced simpleton he was. I might take a few days off and visit school board meetings too.

It isn't okay to treat people different. It isn't okay to discriminate. The more things change in this country the more they stay the same. I shouldn't be too surprised. This is after all the state which took until 1987 to remove a ban on interracial marriage from their state constitution. Even this was just barely, it passed by a 52-48 vote.

I push the envelope all the time in my school district. Earlier this year it got me called into the office to discuss a conversation I had with my class. It centered around students using the word "Gay" as a hateful insult. We talked about why it was wrong. We talked about tolerance and thinking for yourself. I answered questions students had. A parent complained and off to the office I went.

I live in a very conservative rural town (A few hours north of San Francisco). I have no close friends who live in this town. Most of my colleagues and parents look at me like I am a mutant from another planet. Strangely, it is why I like teaching here. I never try to convince students what to believe or think. I try to hammer home everyday to think for themselves, be themselves, be kind, be strong, and be tolerant of others beliefs even when they don't match your own.

It is a very fine line I have walked for over 15 years and sometimes I wonder if I can keep doing it. I know it is worth it. My students like me. I give them a chance to be unique and special. I do not require them to pop out of our public school factory spouting off some inane indoctrination. I can only hope that if this happened in our high school many of my students would be standing right next to Constance McMillen telling the school board to go fuck themselves, respectfully of course.

Drugs Don't Care Who You Are

I am not a complete dick. I think it is tragic Corey Haim died today. I am not surprised by it in the least bit. If I am surprised by anything it is that he lived as long as he did. The man was a Hollywood train wreck and it didn't seem to matter how much he tried, he couldn't pull himself out of it.

The biggest problem is that drugs don't care who you are. It doesn't matter if you're famous, rich, poor, beautiful, smart. Drugs will eat you up and most of the time spit you right back out. Always worse for wear. I hear the argument all the time about people who have done drugs all their life and seem to be doing okay. I believe these people are the exceptions to the rule. They are often famous, so you hear about them. They are the lucky ones. Honestly I don't know how lucky they are. I don't live their lives. I don't know what drugs have done to them.

All I know is doing drugs is gambling and the odds are not in your favor. You can roll snake eyes at anytime. It is one of the hardest things I deal with as a teacher. I want to talk to my students sometimes about the dangers. Explain the traps and the pitfalls.

I can do it in a general way but never tell them about me. I am always afraid they are too young to understand the message. Most young teenagers will look at me as the reason why they don't have to worry about it. "You turned out fine," they will let me know in their ever so naive way.

I didn't do illegal drugs when I was younger. I did legal ones illegally. I drank more alcohol before I was 18 then many people have had their entire life. I used alcohol to dull the pain. I used alcohol to forget things. I used alcohol to make myself feel less shy. I told myself I used alcohol because it made me a better writer.

It was all a lie and a terrible albatross hanging around my neck. I drank way too much. I did so many things I am embarrassed to even remember. I walked on the edge of the cliff for so long I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell off. Falling off that cliff was going to kill me. I look back on it and sometimes wonder if that is what I was trying for.

I want to tell my students all of this. I want them to understand the edge of the cliff. When they get older and visit I have, but over the years this has been too late for some of my students. I got lucky, I didn't roll snake eyes but I had so much help from so many incredible people. I made so many crappy decisions in my youth but I always did one thing right. I chose good friends and I worked at keeping them.

My friend Curt was the one who hammered home the thought I might be heading for a world of hurt. It happened at my 19th birthday party. A friend and I got into a drinking contest. I could consume alcohol in mass quantities without getting drunk. My friend on the other hand couldn't. It was a long scary night for him (& the rest of us). Curt convinced me it was time to stop before it was impossible to stop. So I did.

It was the best decision I have ever made and while it took many years for me to straighten out all the problems which led me to drink, I eventually came to peace with them. I walked along the edge of a dark cliff. I can remember staring down on the long cold fall. I knew where it would lead. I knew what the bottom had in store for me. Corey Haim died today and I am sad. Sad for his family and friends. Sad for the fans who still remembered him fondly. Sad because he was only the famous face reported today but I know there were so many more who fell off the cliff. Drugs don't care who you are.

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Art by Paul Kidby

Think People Think

Sometimes people say the most ridiculous things in the newspaper. I took journalism classes in high school and college and I am sure that I was never taught the Jedi mind trick but I am beginning to think I was not special enough to be initiated into the super secret club. How else do you explain how some reporters seem to be able to routinely help people to lose their mind on the record?

This isn't the domain of just famous people either. It leaks right on down to the average citizen. This week alone the local rag has managed to get educated adults to firmly stick their foot right down their gullet. The local newspaper in Red Bluff isn't really that good. So when they manage to make me laugh outloud twice in a week this verges on the spectacular.

The first incident involved Los Molinos Elementary School. They suspended an eight grader for violating the school dress code. What horrendous act did the student commit, she came to school with a nose piercing. That alone makes me want to tear my hair out. As a teacher I firmly believe my job is to teach students, not to be their parents. Nose piercing falls firmly into the parent zone.

This isn't what made me laugh. No the laughs started when the parent pointed out her child didn't even want a nose piercing until she saw a teacher with one. The principal's response was that nose piercing were not part of the teachers' dress code. Now I want you to stop and think about this for a minute. The one person in this equation they actually have the right to tell how they should look, they don't.

The superintendent went on to say, "The district's student dress code is based on what is socially acceptable and age appropriate." Now I am starting to get both the full giggles and raging mad on simultaneously (by the way I would not recommend this. Hard to be mad while giggling. Possible side effects include bad case of the hiccups). When did public schools become the de-facto parent for all of their students? What complete audacity. We can't even decide what's the best way to teach kids but we know what is age appropriate.

The best part is when the superintendent compared getting a nose piecing to getting a driver's license. Saying students had to be a certain age before they received some privileges. Forgetting of course, that when a student may get a driver's license is actually a law. A law put into place because of safety issues. Hardly the same thing you blithering monkey.

The funniest quote though I must say belongs to an administrator in my school district. We are getting hit hard by cutbacks right now. There are going to be a lot of teachers laid off. The mood is not great and the negotiations between teachers and the district has been strained at best. At a special board meeting things really started heating up. Stepping into the fray one of our administrators was quoted in the paper saying, "the least senior administrators make less than the top teachers do, even though administrators have more education and work more hours."

To which I can only say, "Seriously, way to pour gasoline on the fire but don't worry those eyebrows will grow back eventually." She of course failed to point out in order for the senior teachers to make more money than the least senior administrators they had to work 22 freaking years. I particularly liked the implication that administrators are smarter and work harder. Oh man, teachers were fired up. Me, I just had to laugh. How can you take a statement like that serious. I imagine she will be asked by our superintendent to refrain from throwing quote grenades into the middle of negotiations in the future.

I wonder if she realized she said something wrong when the reporter began to drool and go into a full body quiver. For all we know she said thirty intelligent statements afterwards but it didn't matter. The reporter knew she had the money quote and probably couldn't wait to get back to the paper. People need to remember when talking to anyone, make sure you have some kind of clue. Some of us are really good at spotting bullshit.

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Art by Nanami Cowdroy

A Cloud of Artistry

The best part about writing is the best part of doing any kind o art. The manipulation of the tools of your art form. For artists it could be brush strokes, color, paint, lines. Musician play with sound and words. I deal with letters. I make those letters words. I take words and create emotions and images. I use them to try and make you think about something in a new way. To feel joy, pain, love, laughter.

Sometimes I use words to evoke preconceived concepts and then pull the rug out from under you. Other times it might be hitting you over the head with a brick of information or caressing you gently with the subtly of a well thought out joke.

As a lover of art I love the manipulation. I want to be drawn into a world of unexpected pleasures. Guided through a journey of artistic proportions. It is not shocking that most of my favorite artists are risk takers. There is a misconception about risk takers. People think they are not afraid but I have found it not to be true. They are often terrified to put themselves out there in front of their audience with something new and risky. Fear is natural but risk takers don't let it stop them. They swallow up the fear and let it drive them into uncharted territory.

For years I let it stop me. I took the easy route in most everything when it came to my writing. Afraid of rejection. Unable to handle the thought someone might not like what I am doing. I have tried to move myself away from the fear. I remind myself everyday the only thing I have to be afraid of is not trying. Not writing. Letting the artist inside me wither and die. It almost happened once and I will never let it happen again.

Yesterday I cracked a joke about porn in my blog. My wife thought maybe it was too much. That people might be offended or not get the joke. The old me would have changed it in a heart beat. I almost did. I got up in the middle of the night and actually began to change the line. Then I stopped myself. I was incredulous I was worried about something so meaningless. People would find it funny or they wouldn't. If they didn't I would try harder next time but I wasn't changing it.

It all comes back to the manipulation of my chosen art form. If I succeed than I get my readers to feel the emotions I wanted them to have. If I fail then I learn from the failure and try a different path. The novel I wrote last year has been steadily working its way around through agents. So far I have had a couple kind notes but nothing but rejections.

I could feel my fear slipping back in. My enthusiasm waning. It is hard to spend months and months on a project and have it rejected. Writing is so solitary. Me, my thoughts, and my computer. You hammer away. You manipulate the words and you sometimes have words cling together into a beautiful sentence. Those sentences are why I keep going. Why my world is a cloud of artistic inspiration. I surround myself with wonder and awe and am thankful it to be part of it.


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Art by Caia Koopman

No Twitter Problem Here!

I spend a lot of time on my computer. It is verging on addiction but I haven't quite gone over the line yet. I do think my wife is starting to get a little jealous (she actually isn't, I am just saying that to make myself feel better about the fact she has noticed I have gone missing). We will know I have gone completely over the bend when I start naming my computers. Yeah, I said computers as in more than one. I am not telling you how many I have. Oh, and before any of my friends who actually do name their computers start denying their addiction. I have only one thing to say to you. You named your computer, you don't get to argue the point.

I am happy to say that most of my computer time is spent on writing. I surf around a lot of different news sites to get ideas for blogs. I read other people's blogs to see how to do mine better. I am telling you blog research is hard freaking work. Now I know a few of you doubters out there are saying, "That isn't research. That's just wasting time on the internet." To which I have only one thing to say, "Shut up! You don't know what you are talking about."

I really do spend a lot of time writing on my computer and yes I occasionally venture out onto Twitter and hang out for a little bit. Truthfully though, I am barely ever on Twitter. I usually get up in the morning and check my messages. Write a few notes to friends. I sometimes check my iPhone on my breaks at school. When I get home I almost always make a cup of coffee before I log onto Twitter and send out some witty notes. At night when I am writing my novel I could care less what is going on in the Twitter stream. Just because I have Tweetdeck running in the background while I write this blog doesn't mean I have a Twitter problem.

This week Apple is going to start taking orders for the iPad and I am probably going to resist buying one because who needs another piece of technology to keep me wired at all times? I know it is cool looking and would actually allow me to write my blog while on the road without bringing my laptop. I am sure it would make me a far more efficient writer but I know I don't need it. Or you know, I might buy it. Really, it is too early to call. I'll know better on say, Friday morning when I might be hitting the buy button.

I am glad that I keeping on top of this because I don't want to be one of those people who lives in denial about their technology addiction, yeah I am talking to you Elizabeth (@eBeth on Twitter. She makes me smile despite her addiction). In fact when I examine my life I am happy to say I live addiction free. Porn is just a hobby I can't live without and I have to drink coffee. If my caffeine level dips too low my doctor says I will die.

Chill Out

It started early, I admit it. I can remember stacking the Lincoln Logs building the shit out of that log cabin. I finished and examined the cabin admiring my handy work. I looked across at my young friend's cabin. It was a dilapidated pile of wood. I smiled and repeated the words which would lead to a life long obsession, "my cabin is way better than yours."

I have always been competitive. When I was younger the competitive streak was firmly entrenched in my complete inferiority complex. My self-esteem was low and I took losing very hard. I became a fierce competitor. Some neighborhood kid climbed a tall tree, I found a taller one. Someone jumped farther off the swing set, well I would learn to fly.

It made me reckless and led to a lot of injuries. I also think it destroyed a lot of young friendships. I was simply unbearable about it sometimes. A poor winner and a poor loser. I never really learned how to compete with myself. It was always about being better than somebody else.

It really didn't matter what it was I was doing. Sports, board games, computers, video games I wanted to be better at everything. I can remember shooting hundreds and hundreds of free throws one summer after I failed to make the top basketball team at my school. There was the massive amount of newspaper route money spent to master my favorite arcade game Tempest.

Like most things in life I began to pull myself out of the over competitiveness with the help of close friends. Friends who would flat out tell me they hated to play board games with me because I would suck the joy out of it. I mean how bad do you have to be to make people want to not play board games with you? I needed to chill the hell out.

I slowly began to learn how to just have fun. Enjoy the game and the friends around you. Compete with your own goals but don't make others feel bad about winning or losing. I imagine I am hilarious to watch on the basketball court. I am constantly talking to myself when my shot is a little off. Video games are the one place I allow myself to get really competitive because it is about beating the game and not other people.

Tonight we head up to a friend's house for another rousing round of board games. My wife and I love hanging out with friends, winning doesn't enter the equation. Teasing my friends on the other hand, I live for that.


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Art by Alberto Cerriteno

A Patchwork Kid

I am a child of a fractured and broken home. Raised Catholic the word bastard had a special meaning for me because I was one. I was a child in constant search of role models and acceptance. I lived in what can only be called a bubble of loneliness.

I had friends and family but I never felt at ease. I had a sense of dread that at any moment my world would come crumbling down around me. I really didn't know how to act like a kid. I didn't know what I was suppose to grow up and become.

I don't think anyone really understood or knew me because I didn't understand me. I once heard one of my uncles tell my mom she was raising a queer. It was an interesting moment in my life. I lived in San Francisco, I knew it was supposed to be an insult. I knew he was implying I wasn't growing up masculine enough. I also knew it was wrong to feel the way my uncle did. I was deeply insulted he would consider it an insult. I didn't understand what the problem could be if I was gay.

It led to an interesting phase in my life. I began to gather role models. People who I admired or respected some part of their life. This was not a process made up of only hero worship. I chose people who were both famous and admirable. I also chose people who were unknown and exceptional. People who led their lives with a quiet strength.

People, like a high school boy who lived down the street. He was openly gay and living in San Francisco did not spare him the ridicule of neighborhood kids. He never backed down and every time I talked with him I remember wondering, could I be as strong in the face of hate?

There was a girl at my Jr. High who I thought was amazing. She was not considered attractive. She was considered weird and the students mocked her and teased her. I do not know if she went home and cried, I would have. I do know she came to school everyday and worked hard to be a great student and a wonderful artist. She changed my life (talked about it in this blog).

My brother Mike was a constant in my young life. He was barely an adult himself but he always made time for me. I loved visiting his apartment in Berkeley more than anything else in my childhood.

"Lacks direction" was what most of my teachers would have said about me but I don't think it was ever true. I just lacked their direction. I knew it was more important to figure out who I was. Nothing else in my life was going to matter until I did. Without guidance I directed myself. Borrowing a little bit of this person. Mixing it with the qualities I admired from that person. I became a patchwork kid. An amalgam man and the journey while hard, has certainly been worth it.


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Art by Ron English

Genuine Twitter

Can you really know someone through social networking? It is a discussion I have had with a few friends online. As my social network community grows I have begun to make friends with people I have never met, some I might never meet. It doesn't change the fact I look forward to hearing from them. I am interested in their lives. They make me laugh and much like my personality in the "real world" I take a distinct pleasure in making them laugh.

The topic of knowing someone came from a question I received on Twitter. I tend to have some very distinct group personalities I hang around with. Like in the "real world" I revel in getting to meet different people. I have my musician friends, my writer friends, my totally random funny friends. One of my Twitter friends wrote me a note about reading through my Twitter stream and noticing I was more sarcastic with certain people. Much nicer and polite to others. She said she worried about coming off fake and wondered how I felt about it.

After I made her feel really uncomfortable by asking if she was calling me fake (she is clearly in the crowd I am sarcastic with), I told her no. As far back as I can remember I have always interacted well in many different settings and groups. I think over time when you interact with people long enough they can truly get a feel for who you are. I know that some people fake it well but I can't worry about things like that.

The truth is when I am talking with certain writer friends on Twitter it is far more glib. Insults and jokes tend to fly. I spend a lot of time trying not to snort coffee through my nose. Here is a quick conversation that happened yesterday between myself and Jeff Somers.


Jeff: And now a cat is standing on my desk with its ass in my face. Thanks, cat.

Me: The cat is merely expressing a literary opinion

Jeff: DAMN YOU DALEY

That is pretty much the extent of all conversations between Jeff & I. Unless it is about something important like his guitar (by the way, you should all read Jeff's books. He is a great writer. Follow him on Twitter @jeffreysomers. He cracks me up everyday).

If you ever walked into the middle of a conversation between @harleymaywrites and myself you would wonder what the hell was going on. Why are these people calling each other names. Not one bit of it is true (except the parts where I tell her how awesome I am. Those parts are completely true).

I would argue everybody who talks with me long enough gets a real sense of who I am. Some people get more of the sarcastic side because that's the norm of the conversation. Others get the teacher side or the writer side or all of the above. I am pretty sure if you ask any of my social network friends what kind of person they thought I was they would tell you a nice guy (yes even you Harley May, although I am sure it sticks in your throat like a hair-ball. I am of course not trying to imply anything with the hair-ball reference).

Do people fake it with regularity? I am sure they do. I just don't care. I am a smart guy. I won't do anything stupid. Over time the fakes tend to weed themselves out. What it leaves behind is a group of genuinely joyful people that I am thrilled to know. Even if it is only online.


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Art by Nicoletta Ceccoli

Musical Geek

Tapping into my yesterday's blog, there is a growing population that likes to attach the word geek to hobbies or passions. I am certainly no different. I am just amused it has become so acceptable. With that in mind I am about to blow my indie music street cred right out of the water. I am a musical geek.

No snickering either. I do have indie music street cred. Take a look at my LastFM page and you will see it busting out of the seams with indie music. I have written before that I absolutely love finding new music to listen to (this week I have been drooling over Lashes For Bats).

I have written in previous blogs my enthusiasm for all types of music. This includes musicals. I have friends who get no end of amusement over the fact I love Cold War Kids and think Stephen Sondheim is a genius. Now I cheated a little by pulling Sondheim out of the hat so early because many people think he is a genius. The truth is I am a sucker for musicals even when they are wrapped up in a fluffy little touristy ball (as long as I am seeing it live. Recordings have to be good or I won't listen to them).

Now that doesn't mean I like all musicals, but I have to say I enjoy seeing live theater even when it is not at the top of the artistic food chain. For example, I was not a big fan of Beauty and the Beast. It was a little to saccharine for me (in its defense I was definitely not its target audience.). I, however, liked Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It wasn't the greatest show on earth. It was written for kids but we saw it in New York and we came out smiling. I have never listened to it again but for that one night I was a fan.

Which brings me to New York. We have season tickets to see musicals (and plays) in both Sacramento and San Francisco. We love going and enjoy the days out of our culturally stifling town. It doesn't change the fact that everything is better in New York (and for me, my one trip to London). New York certainly has an unfair advantage because it has the built-in excitement of something completely different. It also has the advantage of being able to pull big stars to their shows, which adds to the experience.

We haven't been to New York in three years. This is after going three times in four years. When our London trip fell through the cracks we adapted in a heart beat and it was suddenly New York here we come. I admit one of the main draws was to see my friend Kim Boekbinder play but it took me all of a couple hours to pick which shows we were going to be seeing this time.

We bought tickets for three and left open two slots just in case a few shows we are interested in get extended. I will not lie, every show we picked this time was because it had someone in it we wanted to see. Promises, Promises was an easy choice because it had Kristin Chenoweth in it (my wife's favorite musical actress). The Adams Family was picked because I wasn't passing up a chance to see Nathan Lane & Bebe Neuwirth. I love the Adams Family and hope it will be funny. Our final pick was also a wife no brainer. Lend Me a Tenor has Tony Shalhoub in it. My wife had to be one of the biggest Monk fans on the planet.

We can't wait to leave. This year is going to be our best visit yet. We get to see a few musicals. Watch Kim play (with a little luck Kim will drag Molly Crabapple to the performance. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.) Meet up with a few Twitter friends and eat copious amounts of food (which will lead to jogging in Central Park). See you in June New York.

P.S.- In case you are interested my 5 favorite musicals (ones I have seen) of all time are:

1. Chicago
2. Sweeney Todd
3. Rent
4. Cabaret
5. Assassins

A Geeky Theory

I am afraid to use the word "geek" because it is almost trendy now. Growing up being called a geek or a nerd was an insult, now it is a badge of honor. In fact, I think you can buy badges to proclaim your geekiness and stick them on your clothes.

I think the new found geek acceptance is partially due to technology. As technology became more and more a part of our everyday life teasing people for liking science fiction, computers, or gadgets became stupid. There was a good chance if you had a friend good with technology you were going to need their advice.

Technology led to social networking. It has never been easier to connect with people who share interests and hobbies. I have friends all over the world who I talk to regularly. There is a good chance your parents and grand parents are on Facebook. Social networking has gone completely mainstream.

There are a lot of other factors. The wide spread acceptance of video games certainly helped. I mean seriously, I have given advice on how to beat levels of video games to athletes, actors, musicians, insurance agents. There are whole groups of people out there mixing now that wouldn't have talked to each other when I was in high school.

Combine this with the fact some very talented self-professed geeks have brought their wit and wisdom to the masses and a geek explosion was inevitable. I think you can draw a straight line to the TV series X-Files and the main stream acceptance of what used to be considered for geeks only. The X-Files was huge. My wife, who probably flirted around the edges of all things genre related, became a full member with the X-Files.

She loved that show. We never missed it (until later, when it sucked). It was the first thing I can ever remember both of us kind of geeking out on. The show was smart, sexy, and intelligent. It took the ridiculous and made it interesting. Well acted and funnier than anyone ever gave it credit for, it opened the door to the show which would lead to widespread geek acceptance.

This is going to get me in a little trouble but remember it is only my theory. If you don't like it go write your own. If X-Files opened the door for geeks around the world. Buffy The Vampire Slayer blew the doors off the hinges and rocked the house completely to its foundation.

This show had a huge rabid fan base. It seeped into every corner of mainstream America (and later the world). It got both critical acceptance and geek love. More importantly, I think it led to the birth of the geek girl. Don't get me wrong, women have embraced all those things which geeks hold dear to their heart for years. Buffy just seemed to give them the outlet to express it loud and proud.

And here is where I am really going to get into trouble. I think that as the population of geek girls grew so did the acceptance of the geek culture. The stigma that had always kind of hung around it began to evaporate. I am not trying to imply or suggest this had anything to do with looks (a raging controversy which you can go read about here).

I think it has just become harder to single out one type of person. If everyone likes some part of what used to be the sole domain of a few, it becomes harder to tease. I am not naive though. I do think it has helped that some people who are very good looking both male and female embraced the growing geek crowd.

Ultimately, I think what we are witnessing is just the melting pot of media, technology, and pop culture. I would like to think that someday the rest of the world could embrace what has become apparent to me. This new geek movement doesn't care about your race, nationality, or gender. What it cares about is what level did you play Left 4 Dead on. Maybe if the rest of the world joined in we wouldn't have to fight and hate so much.