Posted in Writing, Zombie Holidays
A Very Zombie Easter
I decided to write an Easter story for my wife (even though we don’t celebrate Easter). This is the best I could do. I wrote it in one sitting (this was the hardest story yet. It took many hours and a few do overs) and did no editing. I make no claims to greatness but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it. Click here to read the the two earlier stories.
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A Very Zombie Easter
“Look just throw the bunny costume out of one of the upper windows.”
“I don’t know how you can talk you zombie freak, but I am not opening up this shop for you!”
This was not going well. All I had wanted was a bunny suit for Holly’s Easter gift. I had expected the costume shop to be empty. Imagine my surprise when I dragged myself across town to find it staked out by moaning zombies trying to munch on one of the last living souls in this god forsaken town.
“I’m telling you, these suckers are going to get in there eventually. Toss out the suit and I will deal with them.”
“There is no way I am trusting a corpse.”
I had tried to do it the easy way, but so be it. I reached into my cart and pulled out my axe. The shop owner was about to become dinner for a pack of hungry zombies. I swung the axe and felt it thud into the door. (One handed this was going to take some time.)
“What the hell are you doing!” shouted the shop owner.
“I am coming in.”
“I will shoot you dead.”
“I’m already dead you idiot. Just toss out the suit.”
I heard the window open and saw the bunny suit float towards the ground. Only problem, the mindless flesh eaters thought it might be something good to eat and pounced on it. I suddenly had three zombies playing tug of war with my damn bunny suit. I quickly reached into the cart and pulled out my shotgun. I pumped the first bullet into the closest one’s head. It slammed backwards into the costume shop and slumped to the ground. Zombie number two dropped the suit and lunged at me.
I didn’t react fast enough and I could feel its teeth sink into my nose and pull away. My nose tore off my face with a small pop. Just great, now I had a missing nose to go with my blown off arm. I put the shotgun against the zombie’s head and fired. I blew zombie brains all over the bunny suit. Zombie three did the sensible thing and fled.
I picked up the suit and examined it. They had torn one of the ears off and ripped a huge hole down the middle of it. The yellow suit was now covered with red gore. It would have to do. I stuck it into the cart and began the long trek home. Hours later I stopped at the end of my street and put the bunny suit on. I am sure I was not a picture perfect bunny.
I pushed the cart slowly up to my house, Jenna’s house. It wasn’t mine anymore. I had a treat for Holly. I had scoured the town looking for candy. Easter was one of Holly’s favorite times. She loved hunting for eggs. I could still see the look of delight on her face when she found a particularly well hidden one. I would make my last hunt with her the best.
I began moving through the garden finding tricky hiding spots. I heard the window slowly open above me. I turned to see Holly sticking her head out. She stared at me with a look of pure disgust.
“Are you kidding me Dad? Santa wasn’t enough. You had to eat the Easter Bunny too.”
“It’s just a costume honey. I promise I didn’t eat anyone.”
“Are you hiding eggs dad? Mom won’t let me come out there.”
“I’ll keep you safe honey.”
“Forget about it dad. Plus, where did you get eggs?”
“I couldn’t find any eggs honey.”
“What are you hiding dad?”
I reached into the jar and pulled out a perfectly colored eyeball. It had taken me days to collect all the eyes I needed and then to color them with crayons. It is not easy coloring something with only one arm. They were beautiful, if I do say so myself.
“Mom! Mom, come quick Dad ate the Easter Bunny and now he is hiding eyeballs in the garden!”
I heard the locks on the door turn. The door slowly opened and Jenna stepped out. The shotgun pointed at me without even the slightest quiver. She would finish me without a second thought.
“Eyeballs John, really! I know there isn’t much of you left in there but what made you think I would let our daughter look for eyeballs in the garden?”
I held one up for her to see and smiled, “They’re pretty. I colored them myself.”
“Go away John.”
“I have candy.”
“Leave the candy on the doorstep. I’ll give it to her if it is any good.”
“Thank you, Jenna.”
“Really, you need to stop with the outfits. The bunny suit is gross and speaking of gross, what happened to your nose?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Goodbye John.”
Jenna went back into the house. I could hear the locks tumble back into place. I stood staring at the door. Wishing I could go in. Wishing I could hold them. Wishing I could eat. I was ravenous. Luckily, I knew where a tasty treat was waiting for me. The idiot should have thrown the suit right to me. He ruined everything. I wondered how he would taste.
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Art by Tony Moore
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>Hahaha, it's really hard to colour eyeballs with one hand. I really feel for the poort Zombie dude.