Letters of Mass Construction

A Very Zombie Valentine


I decided to write a Valentine’s story for my wife. This is the best I could do. I wrote it in one sitting (about 1 hour this time) and did no editing. I make no claims to greatness (my wife is making me post it) but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it. If you haven’t read the first part of this story go here before reading on.

A Very Zombie Valentine

It wouldn’t be much longer now. The zombie infestation had reached a critical state. I knew the living were breathing out their last breath. I am sure somewhere in the world people were massing together for one last push against the zombie horde, but I didn’t know where.

I pushed my cart down the isle of the grocery store. The shelves were still well stocked. It was really a sign of how quickly it had all gone bad. People had believed their politicians when they told them to stay home and let them take care of it. I had always told Jenna how important it was to never believe politicians.

There was the distinct sound of a zombie dragging itself down the aisle behind me. I stopped and reached into my cart. I grabbed my axe and turned to see what kind of monstrosity was making the gurgling noise.

The zombie moaned as it slowly moved towards me. The damn thing was huge. It looked like it might have eaten the entire store population. I knew why other zombies hadn’t been hanging out here, this thing probably ate everything. I wasn’t there yet. I couldn’t stand the taste of zombie meat.

“Hey big boy. Don’t come any closer. I just need a few more things and I will be on my way.”

It kept shuffling towards me. I knew my axe wasn’t going to do the trick. I put it back into my cart. The shotgun was lying next to my arm. I grabbed it out and took careful aim. It was harder to shoot one handed but I was getting better at it. I squeezed the trigger and watched the big boy’s head rock backwards. It stumbled to its knees. It looked up at me. I had blown most of the lower part of its face off. I put the shotgun against its temple and turned its skull into zombie art.

It was time to speed up the grocery trip. I had come to get food for Jenna. It was getting harder and harder for her to go scavenging. I knew she would have to leave soon. I brought her the care packages in a selfish attempt to keep her near me.

I passed the candy aisle and smiled. I knew today would have been Valentine’s Day if the whole world hadn’t traveled the express lane to hell. I grabbed a can of Almond Roca. It was Jenna and Holly’s favorite.

The cart was filled with canned beans and vegetables. It would be enough to last a few more days. I began the slow trip back to my house. The streets were mostly empty. There were a few zombies wandering here and there. They liked to hide in houses. I often wondered if it was through some tiny thread of memory, some last grasp at the humanity which would never be theirs again.

It took me an hour to walk back into my old neighborhood. As I turned the corner onto my street I could see my house. It always made me want to cry when I saw it. I never did. I guess zombies don’t cry.

The house had the usual zombie crowd hanging around it. Zombies always gravitated towards houses with people in them. The sound of the cart wheels on the ground caused several of the zombies to turn and look. A loud moan went up and the zombies began to slowly move away from the house.

It made me chuckle. Most zombies didn’t think much but they apparently remembered enough to know being around my house was a death sentence. One zombie continued to bang on the door as I approached.

“Go away!” I shouted.

The zombie moaned and continued to bang on the door. I reached into the cart and grabbed my axe. Being new to the neighborhood was not going to get him any less of a beat down.

“Hey stupid, last chance.”

I walked up behind it and buried the axe into its head. Blood spattered all over the front door mixing in with all of the other stains. The zombie let out a long breath and toppled sideways. I tossed my axe in the cart and pulled the zombie off into the side yard.

“You can’t leave it there daddy. Mom will be mad,” said Holly.

I looked up at my daughter. Her blond head leaning out through the window. She looked so serious. I wondered if she ever smiled anymore. There was very little to smile about.

“I’ll move it later honey.”

“Daddy you need to go. You make mom sad.”

“I brought food.”

“Ooh gross, daddy! I’m not eating zombie food. Mom! Dad brought zombie food. Make him take it away.”

I grabbed my cart and pushed it towards the door. I began to unpack the cans and neatly stack them on the doorstep. I could here the deadbolts turn and I slowly backed away. Jenna opened the door and stepped out. She pointed the shotgun at me and began to kick the cans backwards into the house.

“Thank you John but now you have to go,” said Jenna.

“I brought you a gift. It’s Valentine’s Day.”

I reached into the cart and pulled out my jar of eyeballs.

“That’s disgusting John.”

“Not these. These are for me.”

I put the eyeballs on the ground and grabbed the can of Almond Roca. I extended my arm out slowly. She had shot off my other arm. I didn’t want to lose my last one. Jenna smiled and a tear rolled down her face. I returned the smile. I knew somewhere inside her heart she still loved me.

“Dad don’t smile, it’s creepy!”

“Throw them in the house,” said Jenna

I tossed them in. Jenna stepped back into the house and began to close the door. It made my heart break. This would be our first Valentine’s away from each other. I moved back towards my cart.

“I will think about our first date when I eat them,” said Jenna.

“I love you Jenna.”

The door closed. The deadbolt slid back into place and I was locked out of my true love’s heart again. I looked up at the window but Holly had already retreated inside. I grabbed my container and moved the cart towards the Brooks house. It was time for a Valentine’s Day treat, I was thinking maybe it was time to eat Mr. Brook’s heart.


Art by Cardboard Monocle


Amazon Link for A Very Zombie Holiday

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A Very Zombie Holiday UK Link

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2 Responses to “A Very Zombie Valentine”

  1. Allison says:

    >haha, I love it and I can totally see the inspiration from Zombieland. I like how you tried to make him seem human by using love. 🙂

  2. JC Little says:

    >The Zombie dad/husband is just like a real dad. Life goes on just the same, provider, protector. Some really funny lines in there.

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