Letters of Mass Construction

Geek Apocalypse


We geeks take our entertainment seriously. If you are going to mess around with something we love then be prepared for the inevitable backlash. If you are going to reach out and try to appeal to the Kingdom of Geek than don’t pander. Make it count, treat us with respect, and don’t forget how freaking smart we are. If you fail to comply we will lock you in a closet and force you to listen to William Shatner sing Common People.

This last week DC Comics decided to change Wonder Woman’s iconic costume and the Kingdom of Geek collectively lost its shit. Costume changes always seem to have this effect. While I wasn’t a huge fan of the new costume I understand that the whole short-short look might have stayed past its expiration date. It is a good example about how DC got a little bit of what they wanted, attention, and a little bit of what they didn’t, anger. DC made this move because the San Diego Comic Con is right around the corner and DC is still trying to get their damn Wonder Woman movie off the ground. They will take a little anger for the attention. They will survive this because, ultimately, anything in comics can be reversed. Geeks can be very forgiving.

There are times when you can go too far though. When you can poke a stick at the world of geek and accidentally cause a geek apocalypse. These are bad things. Less forgiveness and more scorn are usually the result. It can sometimes take years to recover from an apocalypse. Don’t believe me? Go back and look at what Batman & Robin did to that movie franchise. Killed it dead for almost a decade. That movie was so bad I was surprised that people weren’t throwing tomatoes at the screen (it deserved a little old school scorn).

For me, personally, the biggest travesty in the world of geeks has one ultimate cage match winner. You want to take a geek litmus test? Figure out exactly how geeky you are. Think of the one true passion you have. The one that rises above all else. Whether it is Buffy the Vampire Slayer or True Blood. Now imagine someone dropped into a vat of Roger Rabbit’s dip. Then boiled, melted, and completely unrecognizable presented it back to you as the thing which you love. If your heart just stopped and your brain exploded you are very high on the geek scale.

I saw Star Wars in the theater 8 million times as a kid (okay, probably more like 30). That movie and its sequels meant more to my childhood than any other movie has meant for the rest of my life. I saw it so many times I could recite lines to you from memory (I would often re-enact parts of the movie for friends). It was something new and special for me. It was all of my heroic fantasies wrapped into one beautiful package.

When George Lucas finally got around to making the new trilogy I was well into adulthood and knew it wouldn’t capture the same magic. I, however, didn’t expect it to be a big pile of flaming dog poop. The Phantom Menace and its sequels were my geek apocalypse. I knew within minutes of Jar Jar Binks coming into view that the only thing which would save this movie is if someone stuck several pieces of dynamite up his backside, lit them, and turned him into modern art. I was not alone in this assessment I know many people who have sworn to never see another Star Wars movie. Lucas completely screwed with his fan base. The scorn runs deep and wide.

Truthfully, I hope he goes back and makes three more someday. Finishes off the story. I also hope that he doesn’t write them, direct them, and barely produce them. He had his chance and he produced brain rot. Last night I saw Toy Story 3 and I think you could make a strong argument it was better than the first Toy Story. This is a very rare occurrence. Sitting there I suddenly knew what we needed was Pixar to take over the Star Wars franchise. Every part of it. The movies, the books, the comics, the games. I would love to see what people with real vision do with my geeky passion. I couldn’t handle another apocalypse, it could cause my brain to seize up and get all normal. Oh, the horror!


Art by Greg and Tim Hildebrandt

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2 Responses to “Geek Apocalypse”

  1. Amy says:

    >So I watched the Phantom Menace this weekend for the first time in years. And I forgot the overall horror, like the time where Jar Jar steps in poo. Or the time Jar Jar gets farted on. It's painful.Pixar would be brilliant, anybody but Lucas. It seems like he's crossed a line in the direction of senility… 😉

  2. Merri says:

    >im kinda glad she got pants. and i used to love wonder woman as a kid. ran around in my wonder woman underoos spinning and yelling 'wonder wo-man!'

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