Letters of Mass Construction

Posted in Random Musings

Slightly Off

I am slightly off and by slightly I mean am not sure I rotate with this planet very often. I am okay with this and have learned to live with it. There are times I drive myself completely crazy though. I have a tendency to lie down to sleep at night and let one stray thought leak into my head and then I will chew on that thought for hours and find I have not slept at all, again.

I sometimes wonder if I have OCD. You should see me with doors and locks. I never trust them. I drive Sheri batty with the car lock. I have driven all the way back from work because I thought I might have left the garage door open. I have to pet both of my cats before I leave for work every morning. That might seem sweet but it’s really a defense against the thought that I might have locked them in a closet. I did that once and now I have to check them every time I leave the house. The list of little idiosyncrasies goes on and on.

The one area which has always been true about me is that I feel like an outsider constantly. Even though it is usually far from the truth. I have built up a lot of baggage over the years and sometimes it just grinds me down. I worry if people knew what I was really like, they would never talk to me.

This is not giving people nearly enough credit. My friends know what I am really like. I am passionate about art and creating. I am passionate about protecting those who can’t protect themselves. I am opinionated but not in a way that leaves me closed to others opinions. I respect people’s right to disagree with me as long as the disagreement isn’t about someone elses rights being violated. I am a kind person. I love cats.

I sometimes talk too much in groups because I am masking my discomfort and my mouth suddenly can’t turn off. I then walk away mad at myself sure I have spilled fool all over my face. I marvel at how far I have come though. Ten years ago I could count my friends on one hand. This isn’t the case anymore. I have made a lot of friends over the last few years and marvel in the knowledge that so many people can put up with my brand of crazy (I suspect it is because they are crazy).

I am slightly off and by slightly I mean ….you get the picture. It doesn’t bother me anymore. It only scares me a little. It certainly isn’t crippling my life (although it will inconvenience it from time to time). This new world of social media has allowed me to connect into a web of people. Glorious, intelligent, different, slightly off people. For all that is wrong in the world sometimes, at least this has gone right.

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