South Carolina Politics is Awesome Sauce

June 8th, 2010 by 801red

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Election day is so wonderful. Nothing like the constant reminder we really don’t have a choice in our fake democratic society. The Democrats will pick their bozos for us to choose from. The Republicans will run out their bozo candidates and somehow we have to figure out what bozo won’t screw us the most. No choice at all because if you are not part of the machine you don’t get to win (I know there are exceptions but they are few and far between).

Luckily, this election has given us South Carolina to keep us entertained. First we get some slime balls (I said balls you may insert giggles here) accusing Republican Nikki Haley of having affairs with them (not at the same time but that would have made this story even better). They waited until just before the primary before dropping this bomb. They had no evidence and coincidentally Mrs. Haley had a huge lead over the other candidates.

The lack of evidence didn’t stop our “National Enquirer like” news organizations from treating the story as pure solid gold truth. I know the Enquirer got nominated for a pulitzer but must we all wallow in the mud with them. Do some reporting people. How hard could it be to confirm a story. I think TMZ even tries to confirm a story once in a while. I think I am just going to start making up stories and try to have them go viral. My first one is going to be about the torrid affair between Felicia Day and Neil Patrick Harris.

Of course, this is the state which elected Mark Sanford governor. You remember Sanford he is the guy who went off for a hike in the woods and turned up in Argentina doing a little mattress dancing with his mistress. I figure once you have had that guy for governor everything is a huge step up.

While the Republicans may be struggling with their inability to stop slinging mud at each other, it could be worse. You could be Vic Rawl who was running for Senate as an illustrious member of the Democratic Party. He had raised a nice war chest of campaign contributions. Has his machine all geared up for his win. Had even scheduled some speaking engagements for next week as he prepared to battle it out with the Republican nomination. Only one problem, he ran into the buzz saw named Alvin Greene.

Greene is a 32 year-old, unemployed military veteran who ran on the most brilliant platform of all time. He raised no money. He did no campaigning. He had no web site. Apparently, he is such a mystery some newspapers were trying to buy photos of him. This man put his name on the ballot and walked away. He of course won. It makes my heart glow like the sun. It got even better when the Democratic Party Chairwoman suggested possibly people just didn’t know either candidate and voted alphabetically.

I did a little dance when I read that. You lost to someone who didn’t even try to win and the best you could come up with is maybe people voted alphabetically. I laughed so hard I blew coffee out my nose. How about we try my guess on for size? Maybe you lost because people are so fed up with politics, as usual, that they actually found it refreshing someone wasn’t looking them in the face and lying. Maybe the message being sent here is we don’t know who this Greene guy is but we know he isn’t, Vic Rawl and that is good enough for us.

Of course, there is another possibility. Maybe Mr. Greene had an elaborate campaign planned which was going to use all the modern technology of Apple’s brilliant iPad. He wrote himself up the best fucking application ever done by a political candidate. He was going to bring out the vote with a stunning appeal to the geek coalition. Then Lord Jobs waved his magic wand and rejected the application. Either way Vic Rawl has to stomach the bile inducing knowledge he lost to someone who didn’t even try. South Carolina politics is awesome sauce!

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