Letters of Mass Construction

Posted in Random Musings

Spider Mobile

I think I may have found a new writing career. Something I had never considered but clearly an untapped market. This week I got two more of those wonderful scam emails telling me I had a fortune waiting for me if I would only contact them right this very minute. At least that’s what I think they were asking because for the most part they were completely unreadable.

Grammar was wrong. Words were used incorrectly. The back story was for shit and not the least bit believable. Those people need me. I could write circles around their scam emails. People would be fucking weeping by the time I was done. They would practically be throwing their social security number and checks at me. I know it’s illegal but really I would be doing it in the name of good writing. Those people are sentence butchers.

Life is kind of weird and scary feeling right now. As I prepare my book for a release on the Kindle there is a little voice in the back of my head asking me what the hell am I doing? Trying to remind me no publisher or agent was in the least bit interested in it. Pleading with me to remember it was a first book and probably not as good as it should be. Luckily, I am no mood to listen to that shitty little voice so I am going forward. I hope to have it on the Kindle sometime in April.

What I really want to know is where the hell is that little voice telling me not to pig out on junk food? The fucker is absent when I really need him. I seem to have hit a little wall on my weight loss marathon. Have no fear, I haven’t gained any back. I am just not losing any right now. I will work through this and continue on my merry way. The real problem now is goal one was a pair of pants I desperately want to fit into. I am not there yet but the pants I have don’t freaking fit. I have to ratchet the belt so much on them it is starting to look a little weird. They stretched out just fine but apparently don’t want to shrink back into their original form.

I will leave you with this little news ditty which had me shaking my head in wonder. Mazda had to recall 52,000 Mazda 6 cars. It seems they had become infested with spiders. Nasty looking yellow sack spiders. They were taking up residence in the fuel lines and actually reducing the efficiency of the cars. Here is something I can guarantee you. My wife will now never buy a Mazda. Her arachnophobia runs deep.

How is it even possible to have something like this happen? Who was the lucky mechanic who opened up a fuel line and had a horde of creepy crawlies stream out at him. Seriously, I am not afraid of spiders but imagining it kind of gives me the creeps. What’s next gerbils living in the trunk. Okay, that might be cute but still they eat everything so your trunk is going to take some damage.

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