Sugar Mama Part Quatre

July 18th, 2010 by 801red

I have a new found respect for anyone who has to actually transcribe interviews. I have been doing a little work here and there helping out people with their web sites. The latest job assignment was transcribing an interview with a Hollywood actress which is going to appear on someone else’s site (I will drop names in the future. When the interview is up I will send you to the site). It took me many hours to do. I am sure other people could do it faster but I felt like the tortoise moseying my way through it.

I am glad it is done because it was the last piece of work I owed other people before heading to San Diego on Tuesday. I am looking forward to all the stories which will accidentally wander into my writing vision (or you know just making some shit up if nothing interesting happens). I spent a lot of time writing, thinking about writing, wishing I could write on a full time basis today (this is code for I spent many hours daydreaming, don’t be a hater. You know you do it).

As usual when I spend these glorious moments thinking about writing for a career my mind inevitably wanders back to the wonderful fantasy of quitting my day job (which sadly I am going to have to return to soon). I know someday I am going to unlock the magical combination to Sheri’s heart which will make her blurt out, “Of course you can stay home all day and write. I would be more than happy to be your Sugar Mama.”. No sooner had those thoughts entered my mind then I received the following email from an adoring fan of my blog.

“Hello Dear,

My name is Fatima, i am a beautiful and romantic young girl i was impressed when i saw your profile and will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. please If you are interested in knowing more about me, and for me to send you some pictures of mine,
Thanks waiting to hear from you .
With all my love,
Miss Fatima
You can send me an email ok; missfatimamk@gmail.com”

It was like mana dropping from the sky. An offer from someone else to be my sugar mama. Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of leaving Sheri but once again it would be hard for her to not realize she had some competition here. I was highly sought after. In these types of situations Sheri is just going to have to understand she needs to deliver the sugar mama goods.

As I had done many times in the past (click here to see these valiant but ultimately failed attempts. Read the numbered sugar mama blogs) I began to weave the story which would lead me to Nirvana. I called in Sheri and began to let my words of altruistic love flow over her like the water from a majestic waterfall. I pointed out when you have a husband as sought after as me you had to expect to offer a certain type of benefits package to keep me content and happy. She of course refused to believe how sought after I was so I showed her the email.

Sheri’s response showed a devastating disconnect with reality, “Really, again with the porn bot emails?” I sputtered and explained it wasn’t a porn bot. I showed her how the woman was so desperate she had sent three more emails in quick succession, Fatima meant business.

Sheri looked at me with bewilderment. As if she was truly understanding the situation for the first time, then she drove a dagger through my heart. “You know Fatima is some 60 year old, fat, balding, Nigerian man. If you want to go live with him I’ll buy you the plane ticket.” My wife is clearly delusional. I can prove this to be true by the mere fact she married me. Now, I just had to find away to twist it to serve my diabolical plans.

1 Comment »