Letters of Mass Construction

The Struggle is Real

I have been gone for a long time from this blog. I have been struggling. I have been trying to find my way back to me. To the writer. To the reader. To the legend in my own mind. When I struggle I tend to focus on the things that are the most important to me. The things I can’t afford to damage. My wife and my students are the top of that list. I feel I have done that but I knew it wasn’t enough. I had to find my way back.

In the end I decided it was time to suck it up and go. So here I am. I was going to write a long blog about my inner struggle but decided against it. We live in a world where if I break my arm I get to go to the hospital and a doctor will fix it. The doctor will put a cast on it. My students will want to sign it. People will ask me how I am doing? When is the cast coming off? We are open and often caring with physical injuries.

My injury isn’t physical (although I have had my fair share of those over the last few years). My brain is broken. It has never worked right. I have spent my life managing it. I am usually very good at it. The last two years, not so much. It is hard to explain to people. Most people are not even aware of the struggle. I work in a very social job. I am good at it but at night, when I get home, it sometimes gets on top of me. It weighs me down. It stops me from being me. It pisses me off.

I have always known that I do better when I give my brain something to focus on. I love my brain. It is curious and smart and persistent and funny. I hate my brain. It is dark and anti-social and OCD and sad. I have been working on finding things to do that focus me. Writing is definitely one of them but it isn’t always enough. I think I am doing better at finding alternatives. I think I am doing better.

So here I am. Back and bugging the half dozen people who will read this. I hope I can grow it. I don’t care if I do. I need to write. This is where I will be writing. I will be doing board game reviews and book reviews. I will be writing about the world. I will be funny. I miss being funny. The struggle is real but so are the results. Hang onto your hair pieces, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

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4 Responses to “The Struggle is Real”

  1. Welcome back. I look forward to reading.

  2. April Dudley chase says:

    You have always been a super hero to me, to see you show your human side make me have even more respect for you then you’ll ever know. The Struggle of life is sooo flippin real!

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