Weight Loss Sucks!

March 25th, 2011 by csdaley

I haven’t done an update in some time over what seems to have turned into my lifelong battle to not turn into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I am having kind of a weird day because of it. I had an incredibly productive day writing yesterday. I got so much done I was actually getting a contact high manipulating words. This makes me happy. The downside is I am one week away from WonderCon and I have not made my first weight loss goal.

Don’t get me wrong. I am doing well. I don’t think I realized how much weight I had actually put on. I have been literally working my ass off. I am feeling healthy and my damn stomach (the bane of my existence is noticeably smaller). My first goal was to get back into the jeans I bought when I first started gaining the weight. The pants are one size bigger than what I want to be (and all the pants hanging in my closet are taunting me because I can’t wear them). Those pants would signal the home stretch (although, I hate using that word because it was the damn stretchy pants which helped mask my ever increasing waist line).

I have been exercising (very carefully because it has been injuries which have started the weight gain twice. Well, that and forgetting to not eat like a pig when I wasn’t exercising). I have been eating way better. I am still counting calories a little but have mostly tried to judge it by “do I really feel hungry?” I think it is important for me to figure out the difference between hunger and desire. I haven’t stepped on a scale once (which has eased my mind a little). It has been all about the pants.

I didn’t really set a goal for when I wanted this all to happen but I was hoping around the middle of April because we are heading to Hawaii on Spring Break. Then I started creeping close to the goal of getting into the pants and suddenly my mind fixated on WonderCon. How awesome it would be to wear those jeans and even more importantly my cool comic shirts.

Now it’s Friday and I have a week left. I am trying not to be disappointed in myself but I am. I can’t get away from the fact I let this happen to myself again. The first time losing the weight sucked so bad. It was hard and grueling. This time has been worse despite the fact that I had far less weight to lose then the first time. It has been mentally draining to have to do it again. This morning I tried on the jeans and I could button them. I can’t wear them because it would lacerate my liver on my spine. So close, but not close enough.

I will not do this to myself again. this is going to be my new mantra. I am going to make posters and hang it on the fridge. No more I am done. I know it isn’t all bad. I did get them buttoned. I am fairly sure that I am going to make the Hawaiian goal. By the summer I should be in or almost in my normal pants. I am sure by tomorrow I will be back to feeling good about all the writing but for now those damn jeans are mocking me.

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